


Berserk Coffee Shop AU

by stingingcake



Category: Berserk
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bersek, Canon-Typical Violence, Hey, I just met you, I tagged graphic depictions of violence, and this is crazy, but there isn't any thing CRAZY, but this is a joke, hah, never thought I'd used that tag, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-24 23:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13821390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stingingcake/pseuds/stingingcake
Summary: Mr Berserk meets a man from his past at a coffee shop. Also a court drama.(I know there's already a coffee shop au that no one asked for, but here's another one)





	Berserk Coffee Shop AU

Guts was working at midland coffee, the best coffee place in Midland. He was tall and covered in scars. All of his coworkers always wondered why he was like that, they assumed he was a soldier or gang member or something, but they were too intimidated to ask. He was also tough as nails, one time someone spilled hot coffee on him, and their hot coffee was HOT, and he didn’t even seem phased he just wiped it off. The only emotion ever seen on his face was bored or angry, although today was a special. Today they found him seemingly embarrassed.

“Hey Guts, what’s going on?” Puck asked.

The embarrassment quickly transferred to annoyance that turned into anger, “None of your business, make a grande white chocolate caramel soy mocha. Yesterday.”

Puck quickly worked to make the drink, but saw who was making the ever stoic Guts in such a state. It must’ve been the pale, silver haired, rather feminine man who had just entered the coffee shop. He finished the drink and read the name on the cup, “Griffith?”

There was a crash and Puck saw that Guts had dropped whatever he was holding.

“Oh, thank you.” Griffith said.

Once the man left, Puck could almost not control his laughter. Guts was flustered by a man like that? He’d never seen him react like that to anyone, man or woman, perhaps-

“Whatever you’re thinking, No.” He said.

“Sure thing boss.” Puck replied with a knowing smirk.

\---

The next day it happened again. There were a few more crashes and afterwards Guts disappear for an hour.

“I think he has it bad.” Charlotte confessed, “I mean I see why.”

“We should set those two up, I mean this is the first time we’ve ever seen him show interest in anyone!” Puck suggested.

“Oohh. pooie.” Charlotte said, “I wanted to hit that, but I will graciously let Guts try and tap dat first.”

“Charlotte.” Puck said, “Don’t ever talk like that again.”

“Ni-”

“B*tch did I stutter.”

Charlotte went back to cleaning some dishes or whatever people do in coffee shops. ‘Thought so’ Puck thought to himself, ‘but really I should help the boss out, he’s been so tightly wound recently.’

Guts returned covered in mud and what might’ve been blood, nothing too out of the ordinary.

“Where were you?”

“Lunch break.”

“But it’s only 8-”

“Lunch. Break.” Guts repeated. “Two grande venti white chocolate almond double shot frappuccino no whip.”

“Yes sir!”

A short while later, Puck worked up enough courage to ask again, “Hey, Guts, so that man showed up today again and I couldn’t help but notice-”

“Yeah, shut up.”

“But what if-”

“Have you ever killed a man, Puck?”

“Uh- what?”

“Killed a man. Watched the life drain from his eyes after you stabbed him in the neck with a kfc spork?”

“No-”

“No, you haven’t.”

“What does that have to do with-”

“One quad super americano vegan vegan vegan.” Guts said as the drink came through the headset. “No sweetener.”

“Oh my gosh, Guts.” Puck said exasperated.

“Puck.” Guts threatened.

“Fine,” He sighed, “Coming up.”

…

The next day it happened yet again. This time Puck was able to get a message to the man before he left.

“Hey, So my boss Guts was wondering if you would like to go to dinner some time with him.”

“Oh, Guts?”

“So you do know him.”

“Oh, him and I go way back, we met in high school. I recently just found out where he worked. it’s funny, we didn’t part on the best of terms, are you sure he wants to catch up?”

“Oh positive.” Puck said. So Guts and this man had a history, this was interesting, “He’s busy right now but was wondering if you’d like to go to the sushi place on Thursday at 6.”

“Oh, I’d love to!”

“That’s great, I’ll tell him right away!”

They said goodbye and Puck hurried back inside.

“Hey Guts do you want to go to Sushi on thursday at 6?”

“Why.”

“I, well, Charlotte and I thought it would be a good coworker bonding time.”

“I have stuff.”

Of course he did. Puck sighed, deciding he would have to use his trump card, “The sushi place, it has squid.” He could tell this piqued his interest, “Like as in whole fried arms.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” Okay, maybe he was, but the tentacle thing was always something Guts would wonder about. He’d never actually eaten squid, but thought the tentacles looked appetizing. “You should go.”

“...I’ll think about it.” Which was Guts for ‘yes.’

…

The night arrived and Puck and Charlotte were hiding outside of the sushi restaurant. Charlotte wasn’t on board until she realized she would be witnessing two men on a date, or as she put it ‘real life yaoi.’ Puck told her to go outside more and stop reading that weeaboo trash.

Griffith had already showed up, but Guts was running late. Not surprising, but also worrying. Ah, there he was, riding up in a motorcycle. He was wearing ripped jeans (and he didn’t buy them that was either, when asked how his pants got like that he replied ‘life is Distressing) and a stained black sweatshirt. He wasn’t wearing a helmet because he was just that cool and also didn’t care about his own safety. Guts, what are you doing, that outfit, Puck cringed.

Gut looked around for him and Charlotte and when he didn’t find them it looked like he was going to ditch, but then he saw Griffith.

Griffith waved him over, causing Guts to stand stunned, before walking mechanically to the table. He had a blank look on his face, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. Griffith laughed, seemingly not put off at all by his appearance. Guts sat down and seemed to ask for a fork. Uncultured swine, who eats sushi with a fork? Apparently Guts to the surprise of no one. Griffith said something and after Guts got his fork he finally responded. Loudly. And Angrily.

“I'm gonna kill you, you albino wishbone.” And stabbed him in the chest with the fork.

Griffith seemed to be in shock or something because he just stared, as Guts stabbed him again. People started screaming. The police showed up and there was blood everywhere. It took four police officers to pry guts off of the heavily bleeding Griffith.

Puck ran up, “What the heck man.”

“Rahhhhh.” Guts screamed. They had to tranque him like five times before he calmed down. Griffith was put into critical care and rushed off to the hospital. Guts was carted off to jail.

… 

Puck showed up to the jail the next day to talk with Guts, as at that point he was his only friend.

“Why did you try to kill Griffith?”

“...” Guts moped in his cell, his prosthetic arm confiscated. He looked like a mess, he was still covered in blood, although it was diluted since it looked like he had been hosed down.

“Like dude, we all joked that you would probably try and kill someone someday, but we never actually thought you'd do it.”

“...Wait, try and kill… He’s not dead?!”

“I don't know! I came here as soon as they'd let me. You know, that's probably for the best, you won't go to jail for murder.”

“You mean to say I stabbed that douche and he's not dead?”

“I told you I don't know.”

“You have to get me out of here.”

“I'm not a lawyer I don't know how.”

“I was so close.” He collapsed on the ground, head hanging in defeat.

“Why do you want to kill him so badly.”

Guts looked at him out of his one eye. “Did I ever tell you how I lost my arm?”

“No.” Puck snarked, “You’d-”

“Do you want to know?”

“What? Yes, of course I do.” They had a bet going on at work, Puck’s money was on a car accident of some sort.

“My mother died before I was born, and my father was way out of the picture, I grew up in a gang, where I was sold into prostitution at the age of nine. Once. I killed my adopted father and was on the run until I joined another gang. This time they were my friends, I even got someone who I thought was a best friend, until that, freaky bird guy, he- killed them all and raped my girlfriend which made her lose our baby and is now mentally handicapped.”

“Guts, I never knew,” Puck paused, “But what about your eye, and you arm?”

“My what?”

“Your arm, you were gonna tell me-”

“Oh, I cut it off.”

“What?”

“I was trying to stop him from raping my girlfriend, but I was pinned down, so I cut it off.”

“And your eye.”

“Gun shot.”

“How are you alive?”

Guts shrugged.

“But man, you just gotta tell them what he did to you, it makes your psychotic break look down right justified.”

“It wouldn’t matter.”

“Don’t say that.”

“No one would believe me. Now if I could just kill-”

“Guts, do this through the legal system you could get the state to kill him, or at the very least incarcerated for life, and you know what happens to men like him in prison.”

“Did you just make a joke about rape to a man who has been raped and whose girlfriend was raped.”

“Uhh, yeah.”

“Son of a b*tch, you did learn something from me.”

…

The next day Guts got to speak to his lawyer. Griffith was still alive and was pressing charges. Guts’ attorney was supposed to be Flora, however she died in a fire and her protege was the only one willing to step up. Her protege was only like twelve.

“Now, mr…”

“Guts.”

“Mr. Guts, are you innocent or guilty?” Asked the little girl.

“Of what?”

“Of the crime you were accused of.”

“Which is?”

“Stabbing the man,” She looked back at her papers, “Griffith, with a fork multiples times in an attempt to kill him.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, no denying it, I mean so many people saw, the police, I think the security cameras caught it too.”

“That makes my job waaaay harder.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, I mean why would you do something like that?”

“Well, it all started when my mother died before I was born,” Guts then told the rest of his story, Schierke horrified by the end of it.

“How are you alive?”

Guts shrugged.

“Well,” She said, “This may work, I can’t get you cleared, however I can get you a lighter sentence and get Griffith smeared in the mud.”

“That’s cool.”

“I really need to make a name for myself in the attorny world, to make Flora proud!”

“Okay.”

…

Later that day, Guts gets another visitor. A blond woman comes in with a dark haired woman. 

“Now come one Casca, he’s all locked up, can’t even touch you, nothing to be afraid of.” The blond woman, Farnese cooed.

Guts groaned. First he didn’t kill Griffith, and now he had to deal with more stupid emotions. 

“Hey Farnese.” He greeted, “Why’d you bring her here?”

“We’ve been working on her therapy, and she needed some exercise. Thought a walk down the street wouldn’t be too bad and maybe of you were restrained she wouldn’t be as scared.”

He turned his attention to the woman whose mind had walked out on her. She was lovely, as always. Stupid Griffith, giving such a fine lady a case of the donkey brains. “Hey Casca.”

She turned, frightened by the attention. What else would have happened. He sighed.

“Looks like we still need some work…” Farnese said, smiling awkwardly.

“Thanks for bringing her here, be careful.”

“Oh, don’t worry about us. You’ve gotten yourself into trouble.”

“Yeah. Remind Isidro to feed the dog.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

…

It was the day of the the trial, and they all stood in the courtroom.

“All rise for the honorable judge, Erica.”

Erica walked into the courtroom. “Alright, you sons of b*tches lets get justice up in the hizous.” He coughed, “Sorry, my ghetto came out. So, Mr. Guts, it says here you stabbed that man. with a fork. Repeatedly. You say you had a reason, however it’s up to our jury of peers to decide that. Prosecution it’s your time to shine.”

“I call a witness to the stand.” Griffith’s lawer, a girl with crazy eyes named Sonia said.

Nosferatu Zodd walked up to the stand. He was shirtless, but no one was going to say anything.

“Can you state your name?” Sonia asked.

“Zodd the Immortal.”

“Wait, no, your real name.”

“That is my real name, I earned it on the battlefield, baptised in blood and death while I slew all who challenged me.”

“No, okay, whatever, can you tell us what happened on the night in question?”

“What? Oh sure. So I was getting sushi with my frenemy Skull Knight, although he’s on this weird all egg diet so he had already eaten, so it was just me and my calamari-”

“There was squid?!” Guts exclaimed.

“Objection! He can’t interrupt!” Sonia shouted.

“I’ll let it slide” Erica said, “We’ve all been frowny-flounders to not eat calamari.”

“Yeah, so I was eating Calamari when that guy walked in, I could smell the killer intent from a mile away, so I ask Skull Knight, ‘hey do you know that guy?’ cause he has mad connections, and he like ‘oh, that is the struggler’ I was like cool, and then I remembered, He was the hundred man slayer Guts.”

“So you can confirm that this man has killed before?”

“Are you kidding me? Hundred man slayer isn’t just a name, personally I’ve witnessed at least ten people die at his hands. And I mean hands; he didn’t have any weapons.”

“I rest my case.” Sonia says.

“Defense?” Erica asks.

“Mr Zodd,” Scheirke starts, “do you know why Guts killed those people?”

“Oh sure, they attacked him and his friends.”

“So he was provoked?”

“DEfinitely. Like Griffith was even raping his girlfriend, totally provoked.”

The court gasped.

“And you did nothing?” Schierke said in horror.

“I was busy fighting Skull knight, so rarely does he do me the honor.”

“So In every case of violence you’ve witnessed has Guts been provoked.”

“Mmm.” Zodd the immortal thought about it for a second, “I’d say yeah.”

“Defense rests.” Schierke says.

“Cool, cool,” Honorable Judge Erica replied, “You got any, like, more defense?”

“In fact we do!” Schierke exclaimed, “Guts, he will tell you the story of why he did it. Guts come up to the stand.”

Guts shook his head.

“What?” She asked.

“I didn’t know I’d have to talk.” He whispered, “I have a phobia of public speaking.”

“What?” She asked again, “You? Have a phobia?”

“Yes, it stems from my social anxiety.” His straight face suddenly started cracking, “That’s why I can’t- I can’t-” He was getting choked up.

Schierke was shocked, “No, it’s fine.” she placated, “You don’t have to-”

His laughing interrupted her. “Ha, gotcha’ I don’t have a feel of public speaking.”

“Okay?”

Erica was laughing though, “Oh, you.” She said.

“But I wasn’t joking about the social anxiety.” Guts added before walking up to the stand. He swore in and started his story, “Well, it all started when my mother died before I was born.” Guts told his story and by the end of it people in the jury were crying. “And THAT’S why I tried to kill Griffith.”

“How did you survive?” Sonia asked.

Guts shrugged.

“Well, that was quite a tale.” Erica said. “And I believe you 100%. I don’t even need to fact hold another trial for Griffith seperately. Because of those things you said he did I am with you, Griffith did everything wrong.”

“Haha, Judge lady person.” Sonia said, “That’s where YOU are wrong because Griffith did nothing wrong.”

“Hmm, that argument is also pretty convincing…” Erica hemmed and hawed. “I don’t know, jury, you decide.”

The Jury all simultaniously said, “Griffith did nothing wrong.” It was very eery, how their voices seemed much too loud for how many people were there. And Griffith, who hadn’t spoken at all, smiling wickedly.

Suddenly the doors flew open and who entered but Casca! Who had seemed to have gotten over her donkey brains!

“Casca!” Guts said.

She ignored him and headed straight to Griffith who was still heavily bandaged. Farnese and her brother Serpico followed close behind.

“What’s going on?” Guts asked Farnese.

“We tried some hypno-dream therapy and it worked!” Farnese said excitedly, “but as soon as she woke up and heard about the trial she wanted to come straight here!”

“You killed my baby you son of a b*tch.” Casca yelled as she stabbed Griffith with a pen, right through the heart.

There were more screams and blood, and happy tears from Guts. His waifu, sane and killing fools again, Griffith bleeding out on the floor, it really couldn’t get any better. And then it did.

“Guts!” Erica yelled over the crazy, “Since the jury was actually all demons in disguise and so technically not your peers, you are freed from all charges!”

“Yahoo.” Puck yelled from the audience.

Guts walked over to Casca who was just finished killing Griffith. He handed her his sweatshirt because she was still in just a hospital gown. “Here.”

“Thanks.” She said. They both smiled.

Everything faded to black.

When Guts woke up it was to the smell of coffee. No, he thought, no, that couldn’t have just been a dream! He looked around. All he could see was coffee, more and more Coffee. And then dogs, dogs made of coffee. No, no more-

And then he woke up for real. In a hospital bed. With no pants on.

“AAHHHHH.” He screamed, before Serpico and Roderick restrained him. “Oh, hey guys.”

All his friends were there, Cacsa, Isidro, Farnese, Serpico, Schierke, uhh Fairy boy he works with, Farnese’s other brother maybe, her fiance(?), some blue haired chick, and a pink fairy? Wait, was he supposed to know these people? 

“Hey, how you feeling?” Puck asked.

“Oh, ya’know.”

“I mean after that dog attack, I don’t know how any one would-”

“Dog attack?” Guts wondered, “Wait, where’s Darkness?”

“That’s uh, it bro-dude-Guts-senpai.” Isidro said, “He was the one to attack you.”

“Where is he?”

“We, had to put him down.” Casca said, placing her hand on his.

“I knew I could talk to dogs!” Guts said.

“What?” Everyone asked.

“I always heard a voice saying, ‘I’m going to kill you Guts. just wait until you are at your happiest moment and I will kill you.’ and now I know it wasn’t just my inner conciousness talking! What a relief.”

“So you aren’t angry?” Casca asked.

“No, that dog was mean.”

“You’re telling me.” Isidro muttered.

“Anyways Casca, now that you’re back, would you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Berserk?”

“What?” Everyone asked.

“Guts,” Casca said, “Are you proposing to me?”

He nodded.

“Well, I’m really working on my career, so I don’t know… haha, got you.”

“So, yeah?”

“Guts Berserk Rodriguez. Yeah.” Casca was crying happy tears.

“Wow boss man.” Puck said.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Guts said.

“What?”

“Void.”

Everyone shared a laugh at that. Guts was back at work sooner then what should be physically possible, and everyone lived happily ever after… until the demon armies showed up, now released from the demon king Griffith, ready to run amok on the mortal world.

The end

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, I know nothing about Coffee or Court cases. Sorry.


End file.
